Taylor Swift is so right about you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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