Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize