So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
