Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
