i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
