Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
