Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
