I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
