Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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