Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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