Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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