hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
