You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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