she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
