so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
