My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
