What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
