listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
