that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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