when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
