i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
