So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
