Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
