like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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