You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
