i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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