just come out here and I will go home with you...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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