My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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