I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Come see our sink grown plant.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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