Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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