I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
