Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
