I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
