I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
