The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
