Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
