Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
