There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
