1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
