i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
