i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
