my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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