Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im part way to drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
