Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
