Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
