I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
is that a dick in a sweater?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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