i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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