why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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