I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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