just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
