I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
